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Personal Ads Reality Revealed!
Beware The Seductive Single Woman
- 40-ish ............... 49
- Adventurer.....Has had more partners than
you ever will
- Athletic.......................Flat-chested
- Average looking.......... Ugly
- Beautiful..................... Pathological liar
- Contagious smile......... Bring your penicillin
- Educated ................... College dropout
- Emotionally secure....... Medicated
- Feminist....................... Fat; a ball buster
- Free spirit.................... Substance user
- Friendship First......... Trying to live down a reputation
as a slut
- Fun........................... Annoying & Talks A Lot
- Gentle ..................... Comatose
- Good listener ........... Borderline autistic
- New-age ....................Body Piercing &/or Tattoos
- Old-fashioned ........... Lights out, missionary
position only
- Open-minded ............. Desperate
- Outgoing.................... Loud
- Passionate.................. Loud
- Poet..................... .....Depressive schizophrenic
- Professional...............Aggressive &/or Overbearing
- Redhead.................... Shops the Clairol section
- Reubenesque..............Fat
- Romantic.................. Looks better by candlelight
- Voluptuous............... Grossly Fat
- Weight proportional to height......Watch Out!!
- Wants soulmate..........One step away from stalking
- Widow...................... Nagged first husband to death
- Young at heart.......... Toothless crone
Beware The Attractive Single Man
- 40-ish...................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
- Athletic................Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
- Average looking...Unusual hair growth on ears, nose,
and back
- Educated..............Will always treat you like an idiot
- Free Spirit............ Sleeps with your sister
- Friendship first..... As long as friendship includes
touching & nudity.
- Fun........................Good with a remote and a six pack
- Good looking.........Arrogant
- Honest....................Pathological liar
- Huggable................Overweight, more body hair than a
buffalo
- Likes to cuddle.......Insecure, overly dependent
- Mature ...................Until you get to know him
- Open-minded..........Wants to sleep with your sister but
she's not interested
- Physically fit............I spend a lot of time in
front of mirror admiring myself
- Poet....................... Has written on a bathroom stall
- Spiritual.................. Once went to church with his
grandmother on Easter Sunday
- Stable..................... Occasional stalker,
but never arrested
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